The Adventures of Christina Crankypants

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

The Adventures of Christina Crankypants is now available to be bought from here, via PayPal. There is a “buy now” at the top of the page. Simply click the button, log into your PayPal account or create an account, pay and I will be notified to send a copy out to you.

The Adventures of Christina Crankypants is the story of a girl who believes she has to be cranky because that’s her name. Each of the characters believe the same about themselves and it is the journey towards realising that you don’t have to be who people expect you to be.

Christina Crankypants departs on a journey, meets new people and builds a circle of friends. They grow together on their journey to the City of Sweets and work towards becoming better people.

It is aimed at children aged 7-11, but can be read by older children and adults or read to younger children. It is available on Amazon, Lulu and now; here!

Consistency, Consistency, Consistency…

Posted on by
Reply

I have a few friends or associates who ask me why they’re child won’t do as they’re told or why the child is displaying difficult behaviour. The other thing I often see is parents who will tell the child that they are going to impose the consequence, but when the child tantrums or displays further troublesome behaviour, give in and allow the child.

The reasoning behind this is that it’s often easier to give in so that they don’t have to put up with the behaviour, but what it teaches the child is that if they display such behaviour, they get what they want.

Parents need to be consistent with their discipline. If they say that the result of x behaviour is y, they need to stick to it. In the short term, the child will display problem behaviour, but they will learn that their parents can’t be pushed around or swayed from what they said was going to happen. Children need to know that parents are in charge and can be relied on in good times and in bad.

Once children learn that their behaviour is unacceptable and that they will have to live with the consequences, they will modify their behaviour and things will get easier.

Yes, changing a child’s behaviour is difficult. Yes, they will respond poorly if they don’t get what they want. Yes, there will be problems when you start to consistently respond to their bad behaviour with consequences and do as you say, but they will also learn and things will become easier in time.

Good luck!

I often watch what happens around me, for example- a parent says to their child, if you display x behaviour, this is the consequence- you won’t be allowed to do x activity or go to your friend’s house or whatever.

The child then displays the problem behaviour and the immediate response is to try and deal with it, but the parent doesn’t actually follow through with the consequence.

This is where the problem lies

I feel ______ when… Empowering your children

Posted on by
Reply

Empowering your child is a really important part of parenting. Children need to feel that they have some power and are allowed to have some control in their life, even if it’s only in small things.

There are a number of things you can do to build self confidence in and empower your child.

1 ) Encourage communication/discussion. Remember that although you are the parent and they are the child, your child needs to know that if they need to talk, you will listen. When you have a conversation with your child, make it a conversation- let them know you are on their side, treat them as an equal, be supportive and recognise that while the topic may be of no interest to you, it is to your child!

2 ) Trust is not always just given. Sometimes you need to earn it and prove that you are worthy of their trust. Telling your child they can trust you is not enough. Actions speak louder than words. If they tell you something and then you go and tell everyone or even just one person and they find out about it, you are introducing distrust.

3 ) Listen, truly listen to what they have to say. While you may know what they can do to make a situation better, it is better for your child to learn it for themselves. Ask them questions to get them to tell you more and to maybe guide them to a solution to a problem or an answer to how they can do something better.

4 ) Ask open-ended questions to encourage more conversation. Even if you think you know what the child is going to say, listen and ask questions to get your child to open up more and tap into their creative side. Allow your child to talk- don’t cut them off, just listen. Ask questions and be fascinated by what your child will come up with. Open-ended questions require more than a yes/no answer. They allow the child to open up and give you as much detail as they can.

5 ) Relate what your child tells you to other areas of their life. Ask them how they can use what they’ve learned in other things. This will help to broaden their mind and make them think about how one thing can affect other areas of their life and will be useful for them later in life.

6 ) Let your child guide the discussion, including the length of it- If you start asking so many questions that every discussion is a long one, the child will start to become bored and may begin to avoid discussions with you.

7 ) Spend time in shared activity. Do things with your children that they want to do- play with toys with them, do what they want to do. Play dress-ups with them or role playing games. Let them be in the dominant role and let them make choices and decisions for themselves.

8 ) Hand over control to your child- not in areas where there is a danger of being hurt, but in the choices they can make for themselves. This helps them to learn important decision making skills as well as learn what happens when they do things- cause and effect.

9 ) Use language that the child understands but that doesn’t condemn the child. Tell your child how you feel when they do something and why. I feel sad when you don’t do what I say because I feel like you’re not listening to me. Or, I feel angry when you don’t do what I say. I asked you not to do that because… I’m worried you will get hurt, it’s not safe. Talk to your child and help them to understand that when you say no, it’s not just because you don’t want them to have any fun.

There are so many ways we can empower our children. There are ways to foster independence and to teach children the practicalities of life.

Preserving your child’s spirit

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been reading a bit lately and trying to work out what to write. I love to read, I love to write, I love working with kids and I love watching them shine and try to reach their potential.

I’ve had my own crisis of late too, which has made writing an interesting task to try and get to and through. I’ve decided to study more and will now be looking for a job that is going to work in line with that study. That said- it also means that I’ll have more material to write about!

Every child is born with their own personality, their own way of being and their own spirit, which kind of encompasses everything. A child’s spirit is who and what they are, inherently. Kids.net.au defines spirit as “a fundamental emotional and activating principle determining one”s character.” Preserving that should be every parent’s goal, while keeping them safe and guiding them successfully to adulthood.

Preserving and embracing your child’s spirit needs to be a daily, planned thing. You need to know what you’re going to do when a child misbehaves and what you’re going to do when the child does the right thing.

Praising a child is so important, not only to let them know that they are doing the right thing, but also to let them know they are valued and important.

So what can you do to preserve your child’s spirit?

-Be clear, consistent and non-judgemental. Try to use positive language all the time, not just for your children, but for yourself and others you speak to and about as well.

- Use clear and specific language to praise your child- rather than saying “you’re such a good girl,” say “I like the way you……” or “You’re such a good listener,” or even tell them something you love about them- their eyes, their hair, their smile, etc.

- Thank your child for doing things for you or for helping you- don’t just take it for granted that they did. Even when you ask a child to help- they choose to do it. Even if you have trouble getting them to help- eventually, they choose to help. Saying thank you doesn’t cost anything and helps your child to know that they are appreciated.

-Make time for your children- not just to do things you want to do. Get on the floor and play with them. Do things they want to do. And have fun doing it. Be amazed at things your child knows, says and does. Take on the view and mindset of a child- everything is wonderful and amazing to them. Try and see things how they see them.

- Treat them fairly- being unfair is going to make them feel resentful and unhappy. It is a way to chip at the child’s spirit.

- Don’t focus on what they can’t do. Provide opportunities for them to do things they can do so they can feel successful and can build their confidence and self esteem.

- Don’t tell them they are dumb, stupid, uncoordinated or any other negative thing- it will only serve to crush their spirit. They will believe you.

Create an environment that nurtures and embraces your child’s spirit. Children are people too. They need to be treated with respect. They are learning every day. They are growing every day. Remember what it was like for you as a child. Create a positive environment for your child to learn and grow in and become the best person they can be.

The Power of the Tongue

Posted on by
1

What we say has the power to build and destroy self esteem. The way we use our words has an amazing affect not only on others but also on ourselves and our children. The tongue is the most powerful weapon there is. Just one word when spoken the right way can cut straight through and affect someone right to their core. A different word, a kinder word has the effect of soothing and healing someone. Words are an amazing resource and we should watch the way we use them and what we say in each and every situation.

Children are/can be very impressionable. If you are constantly saying negative things to them, they will believe them. They’ll believe you when you say they’re stupid, they’ll believe you when you say they can’t do anything right. If you keep walking down that road, your child will grow into someone who believes they can’t do anything right – so maybe they shouldn’t try at all. They could even turn into someone who doesn’t believe they’re capable of anything so won’t put themselves out there to get a decent job or career.

I know that children can, at times, be frustrating. They can push buttons and they can do things that make you just want to scream. The problem with this as a response is that it’s the prime time for saying something that you’ll regret later.  Think about your own life. Have you ever turned around and gone- oh my, I sound just like my mother/father. That’s because what you grow up saying to your children, they’re going to grow up and say themselves. It’s happened like that since time began.

Words have the ability to tear someone down and to build them up. The aim is to build up far more often than you tear down. The building takes longer, but the tearing down can happen in an instant. The use of negativity over a course of time is even worse for the child. They will grow up unsure of themself, have low self confidence, low self esteem and probably have a low view of themself and their prospects.

The beauty of words is that you choose how you use them. You can choose to be positive. Sometimes it’s more difficult, especially when things around you are looking grim, but it’s still possible. Make a conscious decision to be a positive influence for your own benefit as well as for those around you. If you are seen as a positive influence, you will see the reaction in people around you. People are more likely to be positive around you if you are positive.

- Surround yourself with positive people. This will help you stay positive even when things are being trying.

- Have a parenting plan in place that includes discipline options. If you have that in place and you have planned what to do when your children are behaving badly, you should be able to make your words positive and not say something that will cut them down.

- When your child has done something wrong and they know they are in trouble, be careful not to make sweeping statements- why do you always do that? for example. This can lead down a slippery slope to making comments that will do more harm than good.

- If your child has done something wrong, get them to sit down while you go for a walk or count to 10 to calm yourself down before talking to them. Use this time to think about how to approach your child without causing them any emotional harm- without destroying their self esteem or self worth.

- Making personal comments about the child’s abilities or inability is likely to cut them down rather than build them up. Explain to your child why they are in trouble and talk about things they can do instead in order to have an action plan for if they face this issue again.

Words are very powerful. We all need to watch not only what we say to each other but what we say to ourselves as well. Patterns learned in childhood will follow you through to adulthood, but can be broken with practice and forming new habits. Talk to yourself about the things you can do rather than things that you can’t or that you’re not so good at. Talk to yourself in a positive light so that you can change your own mindset. Once you do this, it will be easier to be positive with other people.

Be positive, be a positive influence. You have the power to be positive!

The importance of story telling

Posted on by
1

Storytelling has been around since time began- it was the way people passed down their history and legends before we started writing and storing things. Storytelling is still a valid and important part of society.

Encouraging storytelling in your family builds imagination. It helps children to think outside the square. It helps them to stretch their imagination, especially when they’re told that anything is possible in a story.

Storytelling is different to just reading a book or a story to your children. Storytelling can involve the whole family, everyone being involved in the story making process. Something that comes to mind in this case is a movie, Bed Time Stories with Adam Sandler.  If you don’t know the movie, Adam Sandler’s character’s life changes when he starts telling his niece and nephew bed time stories. They were pretty special stories because they magically came true.

This is the sort of effect we want to have on children when storytelling. Children have an amazing capacity to dream and imagine. If bed time stories were told rather than read, everyone can have a chance to say what they want in the story.

Telling oral stories has a place in life. It is especially used in tribal family groups in order to pass down legends and family history. In the past, these stories passed down morals and values to children in this process and because these stories are told from when the child is very young, they subconsciously remember it and it will hopefully guide the way they live or behave.

As children grow, they are able to take part in the storytelling process, as long as they know that anything’s possible in a story. There should be ground rules- turn taking and one person at a time and all that sort of thing, but the most important rule should be that they are allowed to say anything- they have to use their imagination.

Storytelling has even more advantages- it helps to improve a child’s literacy skills and helps them to predict what is going to happen next- they learn to tell stories, they learn to use their imagination and they learn to predict, to look into the future. This is a skill that they’ll be able to use in other areas of life.

Children will also be able to learn vital life lessons from storytelling- especially story telling as a group. They will learn that their a consequences for actions and that when you make a choice or a decision on something, it affects more than just them. Story telling can also boost a child’s confidence and will help them to build on their vocabulary and language skills. Story telling will help children to develop communication and conversation skills.

While reading stories to kids is great and does help them to an extent, actual story telling where it’s a complete creation on its own will help to develop far more skills. Telling stories is a way to tell history- get out family photos and tell of the time you were running in the street and hurt yourself. Tell of times you were travelling and what you had to do.

To help your child to learn literacy skills, keep structure in your story telling. Set the scene and the characters. Have a complication that helps children to learn consequences for actions. Most of all, though, make it fun- children will come back for more. Use toys and props- as characters and settings and other parts of the story. The children will love it, even more so if they can be a part of it!

Enjoy story time with your children. They grow up so fast that before too long, they won’t be interested in it anymore!

The Spirit of Giving

Posted on by
Reply

So, I know it’s the time of year for gifts and giving and it got me thinking- I’ve talked to a few people and have contact with quite a few kids and something I’ve noticed is that some kids just expect presents.

I was at a friend’s house one day when one of the kids was sitting with me and he asked me what I was getting him for Christmas. I was a bit taken aback and just said that I don’t buy presents for people who expect them.

He didn’t really understand, but then, he’s only 8. Even so, what are we doing in  our society so that children expect things to be handed to them on a silver platter?

What happened to the spirit of giving or what happened to people having a generous spirit? How can we encourage a generous spirit in our children so that they can see more outside themselves and their world?

Children need to learn about life and how they can make the best situation for themselves. They need to learn that they can’t necessarily have everything they want. While parents usually want to give their children what they want, giving in to all they want doesn’t really teach them anything.

So what are some things that we can do to encourage a giving spirit in children so that they don’t expect to be given everything they want?

1) Make them responsible for something- a chore, something in the house or something that they can take ownership of.

2) If they say they want something- tell them to work for it or to save up for it- get some sort of agreement that in exchange for them doing house work, you’ll give them pocket money- $2 for cleaning the toilet or $5 for vacuuming the house. I don’t think cleaning their room should count because that’s their space and they should take ownership of that- it should be a responsibility they should just have. Once they save up their money, they can buy the thing they wanted.

3) Take them to a homeless shelter or somewhere they can do some volunteer work (with you, as a group/family) such as the St Vincent De Paul Society or some other charity. This will help them to see people less fortunate. This is also a way for them to find a way to feeling the need to help others. Doing volunteer work, even a couple of days a year- or every month so that children are exposed to a situation where they can see that people struggle.

4) As a family, talk to your children about giving to a charity or to people who are less fortunate- Kmart’s giving tree is a good example- where you buy a present to put under the tree for a family who can’t afford to buy gifts for their children.

5) Open your eyes and your children’s eyes to why we give presents and why it truly is better to give than to receive. Yes, we all want to be given to, we all want presents; but seeing the appreciation on someone’s face when you give them something unexpected is a gift in itself.

6) Encourage your children to think about what they have to give. Encourage them to think of others before themselves. This will make them more appreciative of what they receive as well as show them the real spirit of giving.

Giving a gift in order to get a gift really isn’t in the spirit of giving. I read this story once about a family who went to church and they were raising money to give to a family who really needed it. The family who heard about it spent time scrimping and saving so that this family who couldn’t afford presents for Christmas could have a great Christmas.

They spent time saving and went to church on the last day of the giving period, and gave them all the money they could. A few days later, the pastor knocked on the door and they were horrified when they opened the envelope to realise that they were the family the church thought needed the money most. They didn’t realise that they were poor. I can’t remember the rest of the story, but I think they ended up giving the money to someone else because they realised that they may have been poor in the money sense of the word, but as a family and in spirit, they were rich and happy.

Encourage your children to give just for the sake of giving. Give to people who really need it. In order for your children to learn to give, they need to see you giving. Give as a family. Encourage your children to see others and to give to people less fortunate. Encourage your children to change their thinking- but you have to be the example. Do it, create the spirt of giving and generosity in your family.

Why won’t my kids listen?

Posted on by
Reply

I have heard so many teachers and parents over the years askign this question- Why won’t my kids listen??? Sometimes the answer is really simple. Other times there’s more to it though.

If your children aren’t listening to you, there may be one obvious factor that you’re not seeing- You. Your actions have a profound effect on whether your children will listen or not. Yelling at them when they don’t listen is unlikely to be an effective result. Take a step back and think about what you do when you ask your children to do something. Also look at how you respond when they don’t do it.

The first thing you need to do is to take action when you say you’re going to do something. This will show the child that you mean what you say.If you’re child is doing something and you say- “if you don’t stop that, I’ll …” make sure that you actually do the … part of it if they don’t stop.

If your child asks for something and you say no, mean it. If you then see them with the thing you’ve said no to, take it away from them or ask them to put it back. When they ask why? say it’s because you said no. If they refuse to put it back- take it from them and implement some sort of consequence for their actions- whether that’s a time out thing or sending them to their room, or whatever consequence you would usually give for misbehaviour.

If the item the child wanted was food- and they started eating it after you said no, tell them to put it away or it is going in the bin. If they refuse to put it away, put it in the bin. The child will learn very quickly acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour.

If you don’t follow through with what you say, if you don’t follow up on instructions, if you don’t expect your children to do what you say, quite simple; they won’t. They might do it some times, but if they don’t want to and you aren’t consistent with your behaviour management/discipline plan.

Your kids will listen to you if:

1) They know the rule and;

2) Know that you will respond in a way they don’t like if they don’t behave and;

3) If you are consistent with the way you discipline your children.

It’s all well and good if you want to be “friends” with your children, but they have to know that they are your children and you are there parents. They need to know that you will protect them and look after them. If they aren’t listening to you, maybe they need more than just a simple no- maybe they need a reason for the no- for example- you’re having dinner soon and you don’t want them to eat until then.

Children will listen and behave the right way if they know something adverse will happen if they don’t. It’s not you being mean, it’s you being a parent. You have the hardest job in the world- but remember one thing- you aren’t doing them any favours by being “nice” to them!

Why are kids so rude?

Posted on by
Reply

I was at the supermarket earlier this week, when the lady in front of me, of an older generation, was complaining to the shop assistant about the rudeness of today’s youth. When it was my turn to go through, the cashier looked at me, I smiled. She told me she didn’t have the heart to tell the old lady that her generation was just as bad- if not worse….

It got me thinking. Why are kids so rude? Why don’t they show people respect?

There could be a number of answers to that. Here are some of my observations. Kids don’t show respect or be polite when:

- They’re not taught them.

- They’re not expected to use them.

- They don’t see them being used.

- The people who they look up to most in the world don’t use them or respect anyone or anything.

I have a feeling that about covers the issue of rudeness. There are so many times whether in class or out of school, give something to a child and just hold onto it until they say thank you. I expect children to use manners and to treat property and people with respect.

This is a 2 way street. If you expect respect from your kids, make sure you respect them too. There’s something to the old adage about treating someone the way you would want to be treated as well as the one about not saying anything if you don’t have anything nice to say.

It doesn’t cost anything extra to be polite. It doesn’t cost anything extra to be nice to people. In order for our kids to be the best people they can be, we need to be the best people we can be. Lead by example. You will never regret it. Children look up to the adults around them to learn how to behave and the acceptable behaviours and language.

If a child is brought up in an environment where there is constant foul language, yelling and inappropriate behaviour; it is possible that they are going to learn to behave that way unless they have input from other family members or friends who show a different way to live.

Be a good role model for your children and remember that the children of today are the leaders of tomorrow.

2 Exciting new things

Posted on by
Reply

Hi, I’m very excited to say that I have battled with technology and come out on top. I have now added a forum and an email list to the site. This means that every so often an email/newsletter will come out to anyone who would like to add themselves to my email list and the forum means that people can go to http://www.eileengeiger.com/forum and be all social and involved there.

This means that not only will I be able to interact with readers, readers will be able to interact and support each other which is really important for parents to be able to do. In terms of the email list- I have to thank my mum for being my little guinea pig. The fact that she didn’t know if she’d subscribed properly or not is beside the point. The point is that she did, but I had a back up email that I’d sent it to so that I’d be sure- she was at work, after all!

There will be another post up shortly as well as a link to the forum page at the bottom of the home page!

To sign up to the email list, there’s a place to put your email address on the right hand of the screen above the google advertisements.

Allow your children to dream big

Posted on by
Reply

Have you ever noticed that children have this amazing capacity to dream? That they can imagine themselves in any situation and when they say that they want to be something, they believe that they can do it? Have you ever noticed that as they grow, that dream capacity reduces in size and splendour? That they go from wanting to be a big Hollywood actor to just wanting a regular job?

What happens to their ability and capacity to dream? Well, what I think happens, is they start to believe what people tell them- you’ll never be able to do x, you need to learn a trade, music doesn’t put food on the table, you need to be realistic.

Well, I say… Children should be allowed to dream big. They should be able to say I want to be a doctor, musician, actor, dancer, etc and we should be helping them achieve their dreams and exceed their potential. Dreams are not just about work- they can be about life or experiences too.

As a teacher, I always look at the kids and think about what things will be like when they’ve grown up. They are going to be our leaders, our doctors, our entertainers. Shouldn’t we facilitate them in their dreams- help them to be the best they can be so they can help us when we’re old and need assistance?

Rather than saying things like “you can’t,” think and act on what they want- if they don’t experience things, they won’t know if they actually could or not. If your child wants to be a dancer, enrol them in a class, help them to get some experience in it- try all different types of dance so that they’ll be able to say they don’t like it and know that they tried.

Be a positive influence on your child- if you want to travel, take them with you- the experience will only help them to see more and experience more and it has the potential to further shape and mould them. What your child will believe about themselves is the things they are told, things that happen to them and how you and they behave as well as what you/they do. Encourage them to experience as much as they can so that they are able to continue to dream big dreams and hopefully see them become real.

In order for your child to dream big, you need to dream big too. Think back to your childhood- what did you dream about doing or becoming? What stopped you from doing it? If it was a case of you realising that you weren’t that good at whatever it was, then that’s fine- BUT if it’s because you didn’t get the chance to do it, then why not try and go out and do it?

When I was a kid, I told my mum that I wanted to be a mathematician. Half way through high school, I realised that I really wasn’t that good at mathematics, so that dream never happened. That’s ok, because right behind the mathematician was another dream. What I’m learning now, is that I’m not as bad at mathematics as I thought I was when I was growing up.

Perception is really important- What you think is bad or what you think you’re not good at and perhaps have even given up on, may not be that bad. It’s like when you’re a child and you dislike something such as avocado. Then you grow up and find that they’re not that bad- the same can happen with dreams- Something could happen that makes you sit up and think that perhaps that dream wasn’t too far away to reach.

Allow your child to dream. If they tell you something they want to be when they grow up, see if there’s something you can do now to help them achieve that. If it’s a sport or a club to join- do it- it will help them to form friendships and develop in other areas of their life as well as promote health. If it’s music, encourage them, buy an instrument for them. Ask friends if they know anyone who can help your child with lessons.

Encourage your child to be responsible for their dreams. Encourage them to keep going with something even though it’s difficult. If they start giving up on things before giving it a good go, it could develop into a pattern. When starting something, agree with your child on a timeframe- say they have to do it for a semester or a term- and if they still don’t like it then, reconsider.

Strive to achieve your own dreams, even if you start with something small. If you set a good example and show your child that you’re trying to achieve your dreams, they are more likely to want to achieve theirs.

Have a weekly or monthly dream meeting. Talk as a family about your dreams. If your child dreams of travelling, make it a family affair. Showing your child that they can achieve their dreams will prepare them for confidence in themselves as well as confidence in you. If you create a dream chart or board for your house, it makes it visible. Make short term and long term dreams for everyone in the family.

As dreams are achieved, cross them off or decorate them in some way to show that you are actually getting somewhere. Making dreams achievable is important, but so is allowing your child to dream big. If the dream is big, talk about how you can actually achieve it- break it down into steps or smaller dreams so that your child will see that they can do it.

Dreams are important in life- they make life less of a chore and more fun. If you’re saving for a trip, you’re saving to achieve a dream. If you’re saving for a house, maybe owning your own home is your dream. Talk to your child about your dreams, about things you’ve already achieved and about things you want to achieve. Your child will flourish if they know they are responsible for something, especially if it’s something they’ve thought of themselves. Live your dreams and show your child that they can do it too!